Into Africa

October Brings Change

2009-10-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

As November is on its way in the next week it is amazing to say I have been living in South Africa for 9 months now. Every day is a new day which holds new opportunities, challenges and continues to show me why God has called me not only to South Africa but specifically to Refilwe.

I have completely changed roles in the past month which has been such a blessing. I have often questioned about the specific reason I am here, what that looks like and how I am to serve. With the changes in what I am now doing here at Refilwe, I finally have an answer. I have moved out of the Carpentry Project and Infinite Family Program as well as am driving much less. I filled in as a substitute teacher for the ABET program, a one year English as a second language program, which has now become one of my duties. I had no idea how much I loved and missed teaching! I have a new manager who is teaching me a lot about time management and prioritizing. Although coming under authority is never easy, I can honestly say it has been so good. I still love the days that I get to do manual labor and work with the guys on the farm. They are actually my favorite days. It has been such a blessing to build friendships and working relationships in which we are freely able to talk about God and base everything we do in the day on how He calls us to live.

I have also been blessed in building relationships with two of the Mama’s and one of the managers. I know that although I may teach English or do graphic design during the day, when it comes down to it, I am here to build the Kingdom and the people in it through relationships.

Please continue to pray for me. It has been recommended by my mentors that I go home to visit the U.S. during the Christmas holidays. I have a ticket home but need to raise $1300 for the return flight as God has called me back to this place. Please also pray as I continue to build relationships and submit to the authority God has put in place for me as I serve here.

I continue to pray for all of you and can’t wait to see you in December.

PRAISES!!!!

2009-09-02T04:07:00.000-07:00

WOW! This week has turned out to be truly amazing! God is so good. I just can't stop praising Him! After all but one vehichle was broken down on Monday and had no idea what to expect. But God has provided so much. In spite of a huge Taxi strike we hired a taxi to take the kids to and from school. This was a great relief as transport is a big concern. Lawrence (one of our kids) has not returned to school since the accident due to a leg injury and is still walking on crutches. We need to continue to pray for his recovery. The tires keep going flat so we couldn't take the truck to the shop. Yesterday we finally took them to a tire repair shop who fixed them for free! Today we took the truck to the shop and the mechanic said angels must have layed it down. The oil filter looked like it had just come out of the box! Everything in the engine was perfect. WE GOT TO DRIVE IT HOME!!! The guy made sure that I knew I had just witnessed a miracle and thatGod's hand was in this!
I just can't explain the joy and peace that God gave me this weekend and how it has carried on! PRAISES!!!!!

Crash and Burn

2009-09-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

The past week has been a very intense one. Nonetheless, I have learned a lot. God has provided a ton of joy and peace in spite of the circumstances. I am so thankful to be serving this community with the family here at Refilwe.

One of my main responsibilities here is to take care of all the vehicles and trailers that are owned by the project. Most of the time this is a busy but manageable job as we have two vans, a work truck, and two cars as well as two trailers. This past week one of the vans stopped working. Because of this I made the wrong decision to transport children to school in the back of the truck with high cattle rails. On Friday, with children on board, the truck was involved in a hit and run which flipped it onto its side. All six children had to be transported to the hospital but thankfully were just a bit shook up. In attempt to save a very expensive tow, our other van attempted to tow the truck into an upright position and started burning out the clutch. On Sunday our smallest car was being used for driving lessons and attempted to climb a tree. Thankfully no one was hurt but it goes to the garage on Thursday. Sunday night brought us flat tire number six for the week and forshadowed another long day. While attempting to get the first van to the garage, the clutch completly went out on the second. We had to call two tow trucks (one of which broke down on the way). All in all we have one working car.

In spite of all of this God has provided so much joy and peace. Even through this rocky and hard time, I can see Him at work. It is so good to know that although I do not know the plans, I know He has a plan and that His plan is going to glorify Him.

On the Move

2009-08-19T02:04:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks have been long and hard.

About a week and a half ago, two teenagers were told to come to our community project because the grandmother who was taking care of them could do so no longer. This brother and sister were with us several years ago so we were aware of their situation and family. We all prayed about what to do because all of our foster parent houses were already full. Within a week God provided a new foster parent. Everyone involved really has peace and feels that God really provided.

Although we had a parent all the houses were still full. Thankfully some of the other volunteers were moving out of their cottage (which is really big) and we were all told to move in a 12 hour period. It was stressful to have life change that fast but we understood the urgency of the situation and could see God's hand.

Now I have been asked to move again since I am not a normal volunteer and intend to be here long term. Where I live greatly affects my focus and ministry. Please pray for all of the leadership, my mentors and myself as we try to sort out housing and God's call on my life.

Where do I go?

2009-07-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

So I have almost been here five months and all I can say is wow. I am not the same person I was even five months ago and I am so thankful for that!

This past week has been a very intense but rewarding one. I spent the past week with the home based care team and a team of doctors and nurses from the United States serving three of our local informal settlements. I have laughed, cried and prayed with people more this week than I have in a long time. There is such a need here. It is difficult to find the balance of trying to invest in people's lives and yet using the proper channels to do so. For me, I struggled with knowing that I have skills or extra of something as well as the desire to give but that to do so would make the people I was working with have a harder life.

I am still in process with all of this. Who knows, maybe in five months I will be in a completely different place again. Until then, I am going to seek God and enjoy the ride.

Part of the ride is taking on new roles. Please join me in praying as I have been asked to take on two new roles here at Refilwe and I am seeking God on both issues.

Wedding Crashers

2009-06-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I can say I have successfully participated in my first South African wedding. After many weeks of going to dance practice and watching everyone learn the steps, I actually had a chance to learn for myself. Thankfully Piet came home and was able to stay for the wedding. Not only was he my dance partner and coach but he was the one who kept me from truly freaking out!

The wedding was beautiful and there are several customs and traditions that I would like to integrate into my own one day. Until then, may God bless Dudu and Richard in their marriage and may their relationship always be centered around him.

As for me and my house

2009-06-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

As most of you can imagine, moving to Africa is not easy. There are lots of components that come into play in just the logistics. When I was still in the communication stage with Refilwe one of the questions that arose was where would I stay. At that time I had the choice to stay by myself or with some other volunteers. I honestly didn't know what decision to make so I prayed about it and had others pray about it with me. In the end the decision was made to live with other volunteers.

Now I wish I could say that we all are great friends and there is never any conflict but you all know me and know that living with me can't be that easy. There are four of us in the house. A married couple and another single girl. They are all really amazing people (and I mean that in a good way). Honestly if you pooled a group of people their age you wouldn't likely find such competent and gifted people for the kingdom. I am blessed to have the chance to get to know them.

Sadly, I haven't been acting like this is the truth at all. In fact, I have gotten increasingly more nasty to one of my housemates as time passes. Everything this particular person said, or didn't say, to me I took personally. As you can well guess this was a problem that just compiled on itself and by this past weekend I was ready to sleep in a tent and never come home again.

Thankfully I love and serve a very loving God. I know that God knew my sin and hardened heart on this matter. He has heard both my tantrums and justifications and yet he has been gently and lovingly convicting me of my sin. I am happy to admit that on Saturday I apologized to my housemates. I did not apologize because everything I did was wrong but because even when my point may have been right, my heart was terribly wrong. I also admitted some fears of living with three people you don't know and being vulnerable to them.

I have to tell you that this process has not been easy. In fact it was scary and a little painful. Nonetheless it has been precious. Today and even yesterday we talked to each other respectfully and I actually enjoyed even the brief moment of conversation.

All this to say...I love the God I serve. He is truly a loving God. He is the God of Peace and once again has proven himself in my life!

Three Month Mark

2009-06-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

I have been in Africa a little over three months now and I can't believe this is my first post since I have arrived!

It has been an exciting time so far. I can't explain all that has happened but I can tell you a little about what is going on in my spiritual and emotional life. First off, I have to say that the past seven years of my life God has brought about some amazing healing. He has truly cleaned the old skeletons out of my closets. Nonetheless, many of those skeletons have come back and asked for their closet since my arrival here in Africa. Honestly, this is something that I haven't had any idea how to process and sadly...it had caused me to build up protective walls and portray an "I don't care" attitude. For those of you who know me, you know this is not my heart at all.

So I have been aware that I am having this silent (although clearly evident to those around me) struggle but unaware of how to change any of it. Thankfully, God has placed in my life, even here, people who are not afraid to speak truth. Some of them have only been able to call my facade by it's name. Others have been able to see the hurts that I was trying to hide and carry and still others were able to give this process a name-grief.

All in all, I am writing today very excited to say that the journey to be the woman God has called me to be has begun. Today my words are a little softer, my heart is a little more vulnerable and open to those around me. Reconcilation has begun. Yesterday, I went away and spent an intense day before the Lord. I was encouraged to speak my prayers out loud which was different for me as I typically write out my prayers in my journal. But I found wisdom in the experience. I have been living my life recently as if the lies that both myself and others have spoken over it were true. So speaking truth over those lies was a huge healing process and bondage breaking moment for me.

This is not to say that I have spent the past three months doing nothing nor that the rest of my life here is going to be perfect but that I am truly traveling an amazing journey and I am excited to go through the process of becoming the woman that God has called me to be. I look forward to whatever his plans have in store for me.

When Life Seems to Big

2009-01-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

I am sitting with a dear friend of mine watching 24, waiting for our pizza to be delivered and fixing to drink bottled root beer. If you were a fly on the wall my life would look pretty good. So is what it looks like from the outside reality? For the most part yes. I have been able to count my blessings over and over again especially this week. However, life has been happening. Mildred died this morning while Laurie was holding her hand. Maya, whole is only two was diagnosed with cancer on Christmas eve. I even found out information about my birth family including the fact that I have two more biological sisters that live in Ohio.

So why am I even telling you this? Honestly I just need a place to work out in writing the chaos swirling in my head. One minute I am so excited about Africa and have no doubts that God has called me there. The next minute I wonder if I have stayed complacent too long and missed my oppurtunity.

So where does the battle in my head land? Do I believe that God has answered my prayers and provided me with a ministry where my experiences and gifting? Or do I land on the other end and live where life and family circumstances have thrown a kink in the short window of oppurtunity in which God called me to?

In the end...I have to stick to what I always tell others...God has promised us that He has a plan for us. A plan to prosper and not to harm us. A plan to give us a hope and a future. I have to remind myself that God has a plan and it is not thwarted. If fact, I was reminded today as we reviewed the prophecy's of Christ and their fulfullment, that God keeps His promises. He never fails. His plans never change. He really is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. In spite of my doubts, I haven't doubted Him our his character. Because of his "track record" as someone said in life groups today, I don't have doubt. He has proven himself over and over again in a person way in my life...even this week.

So what am I going to do about the thoughts raging in my head and the life swarming around me? I am going to cling to Him and His promises. So if you hear me getting discouraged or distracted please steer me towards God, His Word and his promises. I will do the same for you.

Missing Africa

2008-12-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

I really miss Africa today.

Holiday Blues waiting on You

2008-12-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

I don't think I have ever had the holiday blues before but man I do this year. I can't figure out what has me down. I know that I have been struggling to live for God. I haven't been putting my life in his hands. I haven't been speaking to Him like I normally do. So I think that part of what is going on is God is waiting on me to wait on Him.

Wow, I guess I needed to get that out. Sooooooo, where do I go from here...I guess I have to make a conscious effort to get back into relationship with Him. After that, it will be easier for life to fall into place. It doesn't mean that all things that are bugging me will be magically fixed but that I will have peace that comes with being in his presence. We all know I need that!

God is in Control, yet still!

2008-12-12T13:35:00.000-08:00

Man, have I had my doubts! Between breaking my foot and all the other medical things that have come up...I have questioned this. But God has given me the same answer every time. He has called me to Africa. I was told on the Monday before Thanksgiving that the doctor thought that I finally needed to have surgery that should have been done 3 years ago. It made for a long and somewhat devastated holiday. I have an appointment with the neurosurgeon on Monday. Thankfully this is the first one I do not have to go to alone! Lissy is going with me. But even before that, yesterday I got a call from the endrocrinologist and he said all of my levels are perfectly normal except my vitamin D level. My vitamin D level should be over 100 but it is only 22...which is part of the reason it is taking my foot forever to heal! Even my hemoglobin A1C was only 5.8!!! Yeah!!! See, I just need more sunshine...hence, I need to move to Africa.

Seriously, I have struggled to pray about it but when I have God has answered boldy. I had another dream where God clearly showed me that I would see great things in Africa. I can't wait. I see pictures or videos on the internet and I can hardly contain myself. How in the world has God picked up my heart and placed it elsewhere.

I have truly fell in love with my "family". I am so excited to know that there are bonds with them that I believe will pass the miles. I am sad that I will miss out on their daily lives but I think that we will still be family.

Speaking of family, I had the best Thanksgiving holiday ever just hanging out with them at the new beach house. Even on the rainy days we had fun out on the beach.

I wonder if this is how much I love them...how much more God loves me.

ANSWER PRAYERS WITH A YES!

2008-10-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this with you and you can share it with whomever-especially the donor of my funds for Africa.

I had told you and others at community group that I have been discouraged about Africa since I broke my foot. This past week was probably one of the hardest so far. When you tell people you are moving to Africa they automatically think you are crazy. When you tell people that and you are standing on crutches because you zip lined into a tree, they are pretty sure it is not God’s voice but the voices in your head you are hearing. While dealing with insurance, healing my foot and meeting with my mentors for Africa I have been faced with wondering if this really was my call. On October 16, 2008, I wrote the picture above in my prayer journal:

In case you can’t read it it says :

“Father, I am overwhelmed, sad and confused. My heart is not at peace. Sir, I know peace only comes from you. I know you have a plan for my life-plans with a hope and a future. You have shown me this over and over again. Daddy, I can’t explain why I am doubting your call on my life just because I hit a small bump in the road. Daddy-do you still want me to go to Africa? Can you provide me with a tangible sign? Daddy can you please give me peace either way? Daddy~can you replace my doubts & discouragement with peace and joy? I want gifts of the Holy Spirit, Sir-not the lies of Satan. Father, I know that you allow us to be tested. Please give me what I need to withstand and glorify you. Please stay near through my tears, pain, smiles and joy.
Father, my world has shrunk. I feel drawn away from others & drawn to you.
Daddy, how will I do this job? I have nothing to offer except you in me. How will I show you in my life in a culture-world that is so different from my own? I know that you can provide everything I need and you will. I trust that you will.”

Now I know that my prayer that day may not have the highest theology and some people might even squawk at the personal language in which I addressed God. Overlooking my pleas as a daughter to her Heavenly Father, I am sharing this with you so you can join me in seeing how God clearly answered.

That night I dreamed the best dream I have ever had in my entire life. God and I were walking in Africa. We were at Refilwe looking as though we are standing near the offices and looking towards the children’s homes and bridge. There were children and adults walking around, participating in whatever activities. While God and I were walking and talking He told me that I would witness great things through the ministry there. Whether or not you believe God can speak to us through dreams, I woke up with the peace and a reminder of all the things God has told me of why I am called there to begin with.

Even though God had already provided the peace and joy I had asked for in my prayer, I got an email which said money had come in. God knew my heart when I asked for a tangible sign but he truly provided more than I could have imagined.

You know when we have been asked what we would do if we only had one month to live my answer really was to tell everyone here goodbye and that I love them and move to Africa for my last month.

I wish I could say that I will never doubt God’s call for me to Africa ever again but there may be a day it that doubt comes. I can say that if/when those times come I can look back on one more time that God provided and cared for me.

Spark for Africa

2008-10-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

Today I met with some good friends and had the privilege of telling them about my trip to Africa and plans so far. I have discovered that I really need an outlet to do that. I don't talk to my friends just so they will help support me or pray for me but also because it is the spark that ignites that fire in me again.

Every time I talk about the things I learned, the people I met or what happened why we were there I am reminded of the things that God has shown me. It is so neat to be able to fumble through a conversation with dear friends and share how the life that they have lived with you now has a purpose that make sense and has new perspective.

I feel so blessed!

Broken Foot But Stronger Spirit

2008-10-04T10:42:00.000-07:00

A week ago today I was on a church retreat and rode a zipline into a tree collapsing my heal bone. The overwhelming feeling that all God has called me to do was thrown away for a moment of confidence and fun has flooded every moment for most of the week.

I was sitting here in front of my friends computer where I have been stuck most of the week due to my inability to walk and started watching videos on youtube.com. As you may know youtube.com can quickly suck one in and I found myself watching Lion King songs.

Many people have asked if I see this injury as a sign from God that I am to stay and not go to Africa. I have not doubted God's call for me to go even yet. Sammy Knuckles spoke at the retreat last weekend and told a story from guess what...yep...The Lion King. Do you remember when the little Lion Cub ran away to a land far away and sang a little song called Hakuna Matata? It was pointed out to me that although they all looked like they were having a good time and life was great that was not what lions are suppose to do.

This sounds like a simple concept, I know, but it was a smack in the face. What am I running from? Am I living the beautiful, blessed life that a child of God should? What am I missing out on?

We have started the one month to live series at church and there are short assignments with each day. The first day we are to make a list of five things we would do if we knew we had one month to live. You know, the thing on the top of my list is move to Africa and make a difference in a child's life. Yes, I would miss my family here but I truly want to die leaving a legacy that honors God. So why I am still here singing Hakuna Matata? I can tell you one thing...I may not be able to walk easily right now but I have gotten up and started moving harder towards the goal of Africa.